DRUNK AGAIN! sequel to DRUNK!
by Delar Eriath
Summary: Rated (again) PG-13 for liberal use of sake, Saitou is back for a re-match with Sano...poor sport?


DRUNK AGAIN! (Celebrity chug-match)  
By Delar Eriath  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Rurouni Kenshin... but I wouldn't mind it terribly if I did...( Author's Note: Kitsune-Onna 19, thank you so much for your review! You are very kind! If I ever get a chance, I shall R&R your fanfic, and I look forward to that day! Anyway, I was thinking one day that I should do another 'DRUNK!', and that the characters remaining in Kenshin that were not already featured in the first one would be disrespected if I got them up to drunken antics, which were too hard to think of... (Except Kaurou, she's really easy to write in when drunk, but this is kinda a 'guys only' thing (except for Misao joining the drunken fun). One day, I might do two 'girls only' ones, to even us out here...please give me your opinion on that idea.) In the meantime, enjoy the drunken fun, AGAIN!  
  
Saito walks, hands in pockets, to the Kamiya Dojo, where he can stir up a decent amount of trouble. He is still sore about his last visit, where he got out-chugged by rooster head, namely one 'Sanosuke Sagara'. He visited Sano's apartment for a re-match, and, not being able to locate him there, decided that he would be freeloading at the Dojo.  
  
Saito: Hmph. That moron won't be able to out-chug me this time! I will succeed in teaching him his proper place, and he will learn that he is mere small fry to veterans from the Bakumatsu Era! I had to drink military issue sake!  
  
Still muttering, he arrives at the Dojo and composes himself. He turns to knock at the door, and suddenly, it opens to reveal the faces of Kenshin, Kaurou, Misao, and Sano.  
  
Saito: Characteristically ignores the rest of the people there so, morons, where do you think you're going? You need another match with me to properly learn your place. I was merely toying with you last time.  
  
Sano: Hey, what was that!? I beat you fair and square the last time! You're just a sore loser!  
  
Kenshin: Now, Sano, remember that you are going to Megumi to get treatment for your stomach from the last time you drank irresponsibly with Saito here...  
  
Sano: Did you have to say it right in front of him, Kenshin? Jeez, Kenshin, you can be a real jerk sometimes...  
  
Saito: Do you want him to beat you, too? Ah, judging by the expression on your face, you know that you could not possibly hope to beat the Battousai here in a match. As I said before, you have no defense.  
  
Hiko suddenly appears at the already crowded doorway.  
  
Hiko: Yeah, and even though he is my stupid apprentice, he knows how to drink sake, personally instructed by me! He should have been able to pick up at least some of the important points of drinking sake from me.  
  
Swigs sake bottle at his side pointedly.  
  
Hiko: And besides, even though he looks like a girl, he learned from me, so he wouldn't drink like one.  
  
Kenshin: Master!  
  
Kaurou: Hmmm, well, I haven't ever seen Kenshin get really drunk...  
  
Misao: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT HOW GIRLS CAN'T DRINK? I CAN HOLD MY SAKE! I'LL TAKE ANY OF YOU WIMPS ON!  
  
Saito: Wimps? Oh, spare me, the weasel girl is siding with the rooster head...  
  
Misao: WHO ARE YOU CALLING WEASEL GIRL!?!?!?!  
  
Kenshin: Now, Miss Misao, you know that Aoshi will not like that you are drinking with these ones here-  
  
Gestures to Sano, Saito, and Hiko.  
  
Kenshin: -that he won't.  
  
Misao: DON'T GIVE ME THAT 'THAT HE WON'T', HIMURA! LORD AOSHI KNOWS THAT I'M THE LEADER OF THE ONIWABAN GROUP NOW, AND THAT, AS THE LEADER, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO UPHOLD THE PRIDE OF THE ONIWABAN. And besides, I know Okina wouldn't have a problem with it.  
  
Aoshi mysteriously appears behind the large group (which is still crammed in the doorway) and startles some of them by speaking in his cool voice.  
  
Aoshi: Indeed, Misao, and Okina would most likely want to join you.  
  
Misao: Oh, Lord Aoshi, will you join us for sake? I want you to witness the triumph of the Oniwaban over these morons here.  
  
Gestures to Saito, Sano, and Hiko.  
  
Aoshi: If that would please you.  
  
Saito: Hmph, what competition. A rooster, a weasel, and a potter.  
  
Sano: QUIT IT WITH THE ROOSTER THING!!!  
  
Saito: No defense...  
  
Sano: What'd you say, officer?  
  
Aoshi: I advise that we take this inside the dojo, while the others go shopping in the market, as previously planned. You can all move out now.  
  
Kaurou:thinking Jeez, he makes going on a little grocery shopping trip sound like a secret operation or something.  
  
Misao: What an excellent idea, Lord Aoshi!  
  
The others start down the road, while Sano, Saito, Misao, Aoshi, and Hiko enter the dojo.  
  
Sano: Can we have some sandwiches while we get the sake ready to drink?  
  
Saito: Fix one yourself, moron.  
  
Sano: Why should I? We have Yahiko wandering somewhere around here...  
  
Misao: Oh, give it up Sagara. You can eat later. What we need to do is prepare the sake for the match! Who's gonna help me?  
  
The wind blows, and the famous cricket once again makes itself known.  
  
Misao: Fine! I'll do it then...  
  
Several minutes and curses from Misao later, the sake, cups, table, cushions, and barf buckets are ready for action.  
  
Sano: Who goes against whom first?  
  
Misao: Let Lord Aoshi decide! He will be the judge, and make the rules, since he will not be participating.  
  
Aoshi: Very well. The rules are: One: No throwing up in places other than the buckets. I don't want the Battousai coming home to a dirty floor, because one of you couldn't hold their sake.  
  
Sano: It's not the floor you have to be concerned about. Just don't mess up the laundry, and you'll be fine.  
  
Aoshi: Two: Once someone is disqualified, they must stay disqualified. And three: Nothing that is told while drunk ever leaves this room. Now for the rules of the tournament game: You call odds or evens, and roll dice. The loser of the roll drinks sake, and whoever falls down drunk first is disqualified. The winner will stay to face the next opponent, who will then have an edge over the winner. Whoever stays the longest without being disqualified, wins. The first pair will be: Hiko and Misao.  
  
Misao: You watch, Lord Aoshi, I will gain the pride of the Oniwaban in more than just combat and gathering information!  
  
Saito: It looks as if the Master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Style is already drunk.  
  
All turn to see Hiko slowly rotating on his feet, a drunken blush on his cheeks.  
  
Hiko: I'm perfectly fine.  
  
Grabs a vase near the wall and starts to pat it, then kisses it.  
  
Hiko: There is no need to worry, my beautiful Tsuishin!  
  
Misao: Who's Tsuishin?  
  
Sano: Judging from what Kenshin told me, we don't want to know.  
  
Hiko: Kenshin?! My stupid apprentice?! Get out of here, you idiot, you're spoiling the moment. hic And pull your stupid sword out of the wall! hic Go practice the Ryusuisen somewhere else, will you?!  
  
All give each other looks, and go back to the conversation.  
  
Saito: Whatever. Can we please get on with this waste of my time?  
  
Sano: Waste?!?!?!?!? You're the one who got the whole thing started!  
  
Saito: Morons, weasel girls, and rooster heads should learn to keep quiet.  
  
Aoshi: Seeing as the Master is already intoxicated, I shall have to re-pair someone...  
  
Yahiko appears in the doorway.  
  
Yahiko: I've finished cleaning the dojo! Can I join, you guys? I can represent the Kamiya Kasshin Style, seeing as there is no one here to represent it!  
  
Misao: You're way too young to drink. This is a conversation for adults.  
  
Yahiko: Oh, yeah? Well, you're not so adult yourself, ugly!!!  
  
Misao: Fine! Join! That way, I can beat you, and make you stop complaining!  
  
Aoshi: It matters not to me. So, the first match will be Misao and Yahiko.  
  
Aoshi takes their bets, Yahiko evens, and Misao, odds. He rolls the dice, and the outcome is even, two and four. Yahiko celebrates his victory, and Misao chugs her sake. They do four more rounds, and Yahiko wins three of them. Misao starts to get nervous, and a little drunk. However, luck returns to Misao, and, after four more rounds, all of which Misao wins, Yahiko falls down, passed out in defeat.  
  
Sano: Poor Yahiko, I mean, to get out-chugged by a girl...  
  
Hiko: hic But at least he stuck it out to the end, right until he passed out...now there's a smart apprentice.  
  
Saito: Looks as if he's sane again.  
  
Hiko: Isn't that right, Tsuishin?  
  
Misao: Uuuuuum, hehahehahahahaha....he's funny. No, hic, he doesn't look sane yet, silly!!!  
  
Aoshi: Um, Misao, are you alright? Is there something the matter?  
  
Misao: No. Now let me continue to defend the pride of the Oniwaban!  
  
Aoshi: As you wish. The next contestant pair will be Misao and Sanosuke Sagara.  
  
Aoshi takes the bets and rolls the dice. Misao only wins four out of nine, and then...  
  
Misao: Hehehehehe...hey hic you guys, did you ever hic notice that Lord Aoshi has hic an incredible figure? He's hic so broad-shouldered and muscular. hicOh, he's such a hunk.  
  
Snuggles up to an incredibly embarrassed Aoshi.  
  
Misao: Hmmm, not to mention, he's got a cute butt!!!  
  
Aoshi: W-Well, um, uh, M-Miss Misao, you, uh, well, you shouldn't be drinking this much.  
  
Misao: hic and I wish I could just-  
  
Aoshi: ALRIGHT, you're, um, disqualified Misao.  
  
Misao: hic Hehehehehe, you're so funny Lord Aoshi! And you have hic such a cute butt! Tehehehehe!  
  
Aoshi blushes even more.  
  
Aoshi: AhemNow, let's all get on with the tournament. Sano and Saito will be next.  
  
Sano: I finally get to challenge you again! I have been wondering when you would come begging for a rematch, you sore loser!  
  
Saito: Begging to imbeciles is useless. I merely came here looking to teach you your proper place, moron, because you might get a big head and challenge someone you won't win against.  
  
Sano: Yeah, spare me the 'there's someone in the world who's gonna be better than you and you're gonna meet him' speech. Let's just get on with the battle!  
  
Misao: Oh, Lord Aoshi!  
  
Aoshi: What is it Misao, are you alright?!  
  
Misao: Lord Aoshi, hic, promise me you will uphold the honor of the Oniwaban group in my place! You are the only one left now...hic....do it for me!  
  
Aoshi: If it pleases you, Misao. Now get some rest.  
  
Misao: hic Tehehehehehehe. Okay!  
  
Misao falls over and begins to snore loudly. Aoshi then starts the match, and after WAY too many rounds to count...Sano falls down on the floor.  
  
Sano: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I got beaten by a COP, AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Saito: Heh, not just any cop, you moron! Hajime Saito of the Shinsengumi!!!!  
  
Sano: Whatever. falls to the ground and snores loudly.  
  
Saito: Hmph. I've been practicing, hadn't he noticed?  
  
Aoshi: What have you been practicing on?  
  
Saito: I have been visiting here regularly, to drink some of the Kamiya woman's sake...  
  
Aoshi: A rigorous training session.  
  
Saito: Indeed.  
  
Aoshi: Now for your final challenger: me.  
  
Saito: Not that I mind, it's just, weren't you the judge?  
  
Aoshi: I must uphold the pride of the Oniwaban.  
  
Saito: Hmph, no, you just have a crush on the weasel girl over there.  
  
Gestures to Misao, who is snoring loudly.  
  
Saito: How that will turn out is anybody's guess.  
  
Aoshi: You have insulted the Oniwaban. Now...you will be out-chugged by me. Prepare yourself!  
  
Saito and Aoshi battle it out, and Saito, having had countless glasses of sake with Sano, is starting to feel the burn of so much liquor. Aoshi keeps a poker face and lasts through his turns. Eventually, Saito passes out from the effects of the alcohol, and Aoshi is the victor. Unfortunately, Saito had also been smoking a cigarette, and when he passed out, he flung the cigarette at the trash can in an effort to go out cool, despite his almost overwhelming and indescribable urge to kill Aoshi, and though his effort was hard made, intoxication cannot be overcome by coolness alone. The cigarette was flung into the laundry tub, and before Aoshi could make a move to get it out, a drunken Hiko spilled his sake in it, and the laundry ignited. Aoshi characteristically remained calm, until he remembered something Sano had said...  
  
Aoshi: Hmmm, the Battousai will not like this...  
  
An hour later, Kenshin comes home and takes one look at the laundry. I will not describe the misfortune that befell our favorite alcoholics after that, for then this fic would have to be rated R for violence. It was a miracle that Kenshin was able to keep his vow of not killing anyone...  
  
Sano: But that doesn't keep it from hurting.  
  
The End  
  
Author's Note: I hope you liked the second one! And expect another chapter of 'I Never!' to be done one day as well...one day. Again, thank you, Kitsune- Onna 19 for your review! There is so much fun in making your favorite characters intoxicated, it is almost addictive. But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing...I am sorry to say that this is the last 'DRUNK!' That can be done with Kenshin characters. Look for more in the future, I might do an InuYasha one someday! Please, tell me how you liked this one!!! P.S., Netiri, does this site do serious stories that are NOT fanfic about anime? Like, fantasy/dragon-hunting/riding type thing? If it does, include this additional paragraph to the bottom of the Author's Note: And look for my story, 'Spectra Flame', sometime in the future! It might not be a spoof, but I want you to get to know my 'serious' characters, too! I promise, that one will be a good read. 


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